So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
