Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
