can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
