she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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