Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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