This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
