I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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