Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
