i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
