YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
