We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
