All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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