She's JV to your varsity
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
