just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
MIDGETS
????
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
