YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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