i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
