Sponge bath it is.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
