When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
