So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
