Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
