Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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