Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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