Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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