Sponge bath it is.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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