im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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