i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so let's talk penis.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
