I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
