please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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