giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
