wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
