Moan for me like Helen Keller
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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