drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dick very happy bro
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
