Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
