Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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