I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
