Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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