i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
