I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
