shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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