matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
