At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
