She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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