is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's always time for handjobs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
