im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
