I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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