So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
