I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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