I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
