dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
