I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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