Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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