Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
