Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
