I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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