so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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