You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
