Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
