We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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