i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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