I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
