Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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