i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
