You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm like, not good at living.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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