Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
