Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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