The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize