There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
