you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
