At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
