If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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