so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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