my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
