Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
do nipples grow back?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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