the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
