just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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