Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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