TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
